(Photo credit: babka_babka)
I’m celebrating my 33rd birthday today. It’s been quite the year.
I dissolved my most significant relationship to date, let go of my favorite home to date, mothered myself through the ensuing heartbreak, and asked for and received lots of help along the way. I packed my life into a storage unit and have dabbled in gypsy-hood for the past 6 months and counting. The icing on my birthday cake this year: A lifelong dream came true. I wrote my first book (it will be out in May).
As all of this churned on the surface, inside, I let go of an old Sara. She was the one who thought she knew what she wanted and how to get it. In her place, I’m stepping into a new Sara. She’s still mostly unknown, and still very, very mysterious to me. But I do know this: she now lives her life from her deepest intuition, insight, and trust. She doesn’t use her eyes for seeing anymore, she “sees” from a deeper, darker place. It’s scary, it’s a lot awkward, it’s the only way I can live from now on. This I know for sure.
At the end of this year I feel resilient, tender, and deeply intimate with myself and with spirit. I feel a little bewildered (what just happened?). And a lot in need of a long rest to take this all in and to step back and ask “Who am I now?”
I feel uninspired to write, to create, to be productive in any way. After what I’ve just manifested, this is completely natural (I reassure myself).
In a few days I head back to Thailand. The place that ushered me into womanhood for 9 pivotal years of my early adult life. The place where my whole healing journey–and The Way of the Happy Woman–was first born. I feel a deep hunger inside to give this transition as much respect and attention as I can.
So, from today, November 24, until January 24, I will be offline completely.
No e-mail, no facebook, no twitter, no blogging. I did this during bits and spurts while writing my book, but now I want to do it in an even bigger way.
Why am I doing this?
1. Winter is the season of rest. Nature’s cycles stand at the heart of The Way of the Happy Woman (the book and the movement). It’s amazing how much my book taught me while I wrote it. I learned the lessons I’ve been sharing for years at a much deeper level. While I currently have a mini-retreat every day when I practice, take a day off each week, the first day of my moon time off, at least 2 vacations and 2 retreats a year (usually once a season), I want to do this in a more extended way that’s integrated into my day-to-day life. How is it to live from a more restful, less busy place when I’m not on a formal retreat or vacation? If I’m going to truly teach others about the importance of rest, I want to learn to embody it in a bigger way.
2. The work world needs to learn how to move in cycles, too. I think the time grid that we’re locked into in the business world is totally crazy. Four quarters. Weekends and holidays off. Period. On top of that, the Internet doesn’t haven’t opening and closing hours–it’s 24/7. How can it possibly be healthy or sane to be continually “on” and “productive”? I’ve tried it and it makes me tired. It makes me stressed out. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me when I just don’t feel the juice or the passion. It doesn’t work for me. We, like nature, move in cycles. We need it all: creation, fruition, harvest, dissolution, and death. My vision of the future includes all of us living according to these ancient rhythms and supporting one another in the process. Instead of waiting around for this to happen, I’m going to start living it more fully and hopefully others will also start to as well. There’s a shift happening in terms of feminine power–what it means and how to embody it–for men and women. Taking regular interludes of rest and creation, even in business, is key to this. And it’s a key to real sustainability (of the Earth and of our own bodies).
3. For big inner changes to happen, external influences need to lessen. My professional life is intimately married with my inner, spiritual life. They go together. They always will. I’m experiencing some big shifts inside that need more space to show themselves to me. I don’t want to have to “show up” and “present” or “reveal” myself while that’s happening. Right now it feels too intimate, to raw, to unknown. I have no doubt that what I’m discovering will inform how I show up to the world in the future. But for now, these lessons are just for me.
4. Electro-pollution harms us a lot more than we think. Last month I listened to a provocative interview on Dr. Christiane Northrup’s radio show (you can find it now in the archives; it’s called “Get Grounded.” You really need to listen to this) She spoke about the unseen and mostly unknown effects of WiFi, cell phones, cordless phones, etc on our health. Ten years from now, scientific proof will show us what a pivotal role these invisible toxins play in things like ADD, autoimmune disorders, insomnia, infertility, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and more. But for now, the trees are showing us how harmful these things are. Unplugging regularly is becoming increasingly crucial for our health.
5. Offline life is calling. I’m ready to dive into my yoga and meditation practice more deeply. To visit with my friends, go on artist dates, go on regular old dates, write in my journal in cafes, wander down unexplored streets with no destination in mind. After a year of intense letting go and creation, I’m hungry for more empty space, more fun, more spontaneity, more pleasure.
6. I felt jealous. Anytime the green, burning flavor of envy arises inside me, I know I need to listen. It’s pointing me towards something that someone else has or is doing that I long for, too. Gwen Bell really inspired me when she took her 1-month digital sabbatical last summer. And many others are doing this as well. If you’re feeling jealous as you read this, listen to that. Believe that you can do this, too.
Will I not be working at all?
While I won’t be taking on any new projects or clients during these two months, I’ll continue working with my present clients and I will teach all the things that I have already scheduled. These include:
1. 5-day Women’s Yoga Teacher Training Module on Koh Samui, Thailand (Dec. 2-6)
2. The Winter Solstice Virtual Retreat (Dec. 21)
3. The Goddess Salon in Chiang Mai (Jan. 3)
4. The 6th Annual Women’s Yoga, Meditation & Detox Retreat (Jan. 7-15)
5. The January Virtual Women’s Circle with Amy Ippoliti (Jan. 4)
My amazing assistants, Amber and Anna, will continue to answer e-mails, fulfill orders, and update our facebook page and twitter regularly.
Won’t it be hard?
At times, probably YES. Online time is officially an addiction–for me and for us all. I’ve managed to set and stick with some good boundaries with this (stay offline until after my morning practice and before bed at least). But that’s not enough. The question is: how do we keep it from running our lives?
I know that I sometimes use my time online to: connect with others; distract myself from feeling unsavory emotions like boredom, loneliness, doubt, and fear; procrastinate; be inspired by others’ ideas; and compare myself to others.
For the next two months I’m interested in meeting the parts of myself that I avoid by being online and connecting with others more fully offline. I’m also interested re-examining how much time I spend online in the future and what I do with this time.
Do you have any goals for this time?
Not really. I’ve been a goal setter since I came out of the womb (“the old Sara”). I’m sure I’ll get back to goals again at some point, but right now I want to step into a completely goal- less void. I can’t even begin to understand, much less envision, what the end result of this will be.
My intuition tells me that my insides will reorganize, reinvent, and reemerge on their own, without my will. This happens when a caterpillar dissolves in its chrysalis. It’s painful. It’s chaotic. It’s dark and messy. But this is Nature’s way. Within the goo of a caterpillar’s dissolution, new “informer cells” emerge. They know what the caterpillar did not–how to fly. And they take the lead, reorganizing the rest of the cells into a butterfly.
At the end of these two months, maybe I’ll be a butterfly again. Actually, there’s no way that I could not be a butterfly again eventually. After every death there’s a rebirth. This is the Way. And I know in my bones, as every wise woman does, that this is the only Way.
OK, so maybe I do still have a goal: that I show up for the year ahead ready to usher my new self–and my book– into the world, bigger, brighter, and bolder than ever before. Not because my will is taking me there, but because my deepest trust is.
See you in two months. Wings and all.
